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Thursday, June 16, 2011


            “There are many things you can say about a man like Tom.  I don’t feel like getting into it, really.  But I will.  To oblige him.  Tom was not a man of contradictions.  He was not a tortured soul.  He was neither a pragmatist or a decadent.  He defied categorization.  And perhaps that is why I always hated him so. 
            Yes, he made me see the weakness in myself.  It was a weapon he could wield at will.  It is why I am here.  This is his final prank.  In fantastical daydreams, I imagined myself at Tom’s funeral, but it was generally not in this context. 
            I am going to try and prove today that Tom was wrong about me.  That I can and will take the higher ground.  Judging by the turnout today there were many people who loved Tom.  I can only assume there were sides to him that I did not know.  Parts of him that were only displayed for certain people. 
            But I will not be false, either.  And perhaps that is why Tom stipulated that I deliver his eulogy.  I hope that is the reason.  Because the man you loved was also a cruel, sadistic, bastard.  He made my life miserable for almost twelve years.  I am not glad he is dead.  I feel nothing.  I feel the same as I felt when I found out his wife left him.  Unable to hate him enough.  Why?  I have asked myself that question over and over. 
            There is perhaps one other reason why Tom asked me to be here today and I will not shrink from it.  We grew up together.  Tom was the hero.  I was the sissy.  It was all very American and petty.  Until one night when I ran into him at a bar.  He followed me out to the deserted parking lot.  I fought back but was overwhelmed.  It affects me to this day.
            When I think of Tom I will try to remember you folks and not the snarling face of a bully.  I will think of your kind faces.  I’m sorry for this, but it could not be avoided.  I think this may have been what Tom wanted.  It is for damn sure what he deserves.”

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