“There are many things you can say about a man like Tom. I don’t feel like getting into it, really. But I will. To oblige him. Tom was not a man of contradictions. He was not a tortured soul. He was neither a pragmatist or a decadent. He defied categorization. And perhaps that is why I always hated him so.
Yes, he made me see the weakness in myself. It was a weapon he could wield at will. It is why I am here. This is his final prank. In fantastical daydreams, I imagined myself at Tom’s funeral, but it was generally not in this context.
I am going to try and prove today that Tom was wrong about me. That I can and will take the higher ground. Judging by the turnout today there were many people who loved Tom. I can only assume there were sides to him that I did not know. Parts of him that were only displayed for certain people.
But I will not be false, either. And perhaps that is why Tom stipulated that I deliver his eulogy. I hope that is the reason. Because the man you loved was also a cruel, sadistic, bastard. He made my life miserable for almost twelve years. I am not glad he is dead. I feel nothing. I feel the same as I felt when I found out his wife left him. Unable to hate him enough. Why? I have asked myself that question over and over.
There is perhaps one other reason why Tom asked me to be here today and I will not shrink from it. We grew up together. Tom was the hero. I was the sissy. It was all very American and petty. Until one night when I ran into him at a bar. He followed me out to the deserted parking lot. I fought back but was overwhelmed. It affects me to this day.
When I think of Tom I will try to remember you folks and not the snarling face of a bully. I will think of your kind faces. I’m sorry for this, but it could not be avoided. I think this may have been what Tom wanted. It is for damn sure what he deserves.”